Look. It’s no secret that I’m a bit all over the place. I stepped away from writing about my crazy life because, honestly, y’all wouldn’t believe half of it.

But then back in November 2021, my dear friend Kara of Blooming Joy Flower Co. sent me a text asking if we wanted to go in half with her on a cow she and her lovely husband Robert were going to buy direct from a local farmer.

If you know me, you know that buying a cow has been on my bucket list since the night James promised me in our Brooklyn apartment that when we got a house, I could have as many deep freezers as I wanted, and that I could fill one of them with a cow and spray paint BODY PARTS on the outside of it in red paint.

I haven’t spray-painted the tag on the freezer, but last week I did fill it with half a cow. And, Internet, when I tell you that I got emotional as I unloaded the deep-frozen blocks of gorgeous marbled meat, I’m not just talking about being able to use my label maker extensively.

My big takeaway from my Food Network days was that the way we eat can have a huge effect on how we impact our world. Buying a cow was not cheap, but I’d rather spend more when it goes directly into the pocket of a local farmer who’s focused on bio-diversity and sustainable farming. I love that we got to ride down to Kara’s farm and that Nora got to jump on giant hay bales as we sorted through our cut lists. I’m grateful that she was curious about the tongue, heart, liver, kidney, and soup bones, asking questions about how they supported the animal while it was alive, and how they’ll nourish us (and. our animals) now that the cow is gone.

When you show up to a farm to collect half a cow from your good friend, you always bring something delicious fresh from the oven. This is my favorite toasting bread from Make the Bread, Buy the Butter and some homemade Blackberry-Huckleberry Jam from my garden.

I’m also grateful that it gave me a phenomenal excuse to reconnect with my Biggest Girl Crush, Cara Nicoletti. Y’all, get you a friend who enthusiastically answers your DMs about Delmonico and Bavette steak cuts. When I reached out to ask her what she recommended I include on my cut sheet, she talked me through that animal from snout to tail and back again. When I tell you that I can’t wait to serve the 5-bone prime rib she advised I request, I mean I’m over the moon excited for it— and just a bit heartbroken Cara won’t be at my table to carve it for me.

Kara wasn’t kidding about half a cow taking up one whole freezer. Not pictured here are the two giant brisket cuts, nor the two prime rib roasts, both of which went into the smaller chest freezer blocked by the door. So did the organ meats.

This is the space where I’m using The Cow as a way to structure my food writing again, as I start back up. I’m cooking the whole thing, piece by piece, and you’re invited along for the journey. (You’re also invited to dinner, if you find yourself wandering through Middle Tennessee, and hungry around 5:45pm.) Let’s make 2022 all about connections— with ourselves and with our far-flung friends and with our food and our physical nutrition.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to go connect with a Beef Shoulder braise that’s going to be out of this world.

I’ve been wanting to write about what’s happening in food on a platform of my own for almost a decade now. I’ve loved food, intensely loved food, since an ex boyfriend of mine made Shrimp Fra Diavolo for my family when he visited my parents’ old house, and blew their minds. He suggested, politely, that we add a bit of white wine to the chocolate fondue and it made the dessert sing. I was 19, maybe 20, and though my love for the boyfriend didn’t last, my love for the fondue certainly did.

I’ve been a passive student of food ever since. I’ve been searching in every small hole-in-the-wall noodle shop, every green market, every soup course, every surprise element of texture, or acid, or crunch in a salad, for a revelation about who I am as a home cook. What’s my flavor? What’s my voice?

Do I even have something to add to the commentary?

What qualifies me?

Well. I’m as voracious for the books and stories as I am for the dishes. I read the same way I eat: incessantly. I don’t know that I have any worthwhile ideas of my own yet, and that’s OK. Because I’m good at something else, and that’s reading and eating voraciously, and then talking about both.

So that’s what I want to do here. I want to use this platform to share voices and food that I’m reading, that I love. That I think you’ll love. Grab a cup of something you enjoy and a plate of something you love. Come sit at my table. I have a great book I want to tell you about.

It’s been seven years since we packed up the top floor apartment we had in a brownstone in Williamsburg (Brooklyn, not Virginia). A lot has changed for this Country Mouse - Gone City - Gone Suburban.

None of what we’ve accomplished looks like we thought it would when we carefully tucked all our belongings into boxes. Seven years later, the family has grown from James, Biscuit, and myself. First came Bogart. Then my parents moved to Tennessee, and we built houses next to each other.

Then came Nora, the shining center of our universe. Nora prompted the addition of Kissy and Huggy, two very loud and very opinionated guinea pigs. And last but certainly not least, Thelma, the Russian tortoise who does not understand what all the fuss is always about.

Right before we went into quarantine, my sister Karlene and niece Kellani moved in with my parents, right next door to us. And my mother’s younger brother Uncle Rob moved in with my parents as well. (He’s the quietest and the best-behaved of the lot so he flies under the radar most of the time.)

And that’s you, mostly caught up on our lives. We’ve had a lot of togetherness over the last eight months. I left my corporate job running websites for Ingram Content Group to spend more time at home with Nora, and honestly we planned that just in time because a week later, everything shut down.

I finally leaned into my life calling, and got certified as an Integrative Nutrition Coach through IIN (with a secondary certification in Gut Health / Microbiome Repair & Health), and as a FASTer Way Health Coach. I’m working on my prenatal and postpartum certification through FASTer Way now, and plan to keep specializing in work that can help my friends and I as we try to keep our heads and our health above water while we manage our families, work our jobs, and live our lives.

Honestly, this is the first time I’ve stepped into “writing a blog” without a clear plan on what I want it to look like. The 15-year Content Marketing veteran in me is having a small meltdown. But I need a place to put it, all of it. Living next to my family is… a lot. Being half a country away from most of my dear friends is also a LOT. Parenting during a pandemic is a lot. Living in a very conservative place as a very liberal person is A LOT.

I suppose this is just the place where I want to ask questions. Put thoughts together and pose them to the world. Share what I’m learning as I push myself to improve as an antiracist and BIPOC ally. And as an LGBTQ+ ally. And as a mother and wife and professional. It’s been a crazy handful of years… but I’ve missed writing about it.

This is my love letter to this big, chaotic, overflowing, wonderful life of mine. And all the characters in it. My very own Country Mouse Confessions.